So, How’s Your Passion Challenge Going?

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I know I started out with the plan to make this a 30 day challenge for my readers. But as it stands, I find my readers’ current needs heading in another direction.  You see, while this blog is all about building passion in Christian marriages, it is fundamentally about finding the heart of relationship. Yes, sex and passion are part of it – a BIG part of it. But relationship is #1. If the relationship is shaky, no amount of sex will help.  As a matter of fact, sex is the last thing we want when we don’t “like” the other person. Or lovemaking becomes a drudge or duty.

So over the coming days, John and I want to talk about learning to know your husband’s or wife’s heart.  Admittedly, I Carol, have the tendency to just buzz through my day like a train making the usual stops at a station.  Get up. check email. write. wake children. oversee daily duties and lessons. Etc…  Unless it is on my schedule, I don’t do it.  That includes those thoughtful relationship building things.  So, for my benefit and yours here are some things I am  going to remember to do today (and tomorrow…):

  • Taking the time to look long into his or her eyes (saying “I love you” by saying it with words or deeds).
  • Make/buy his (or her) favorite dinner with the “works”
  • Put back the toothpaste cap (or whatever it is that you leave undone that annoys them)
  • No obligation massage (but be open to “more”)
  • etc…

I know you can think of more.

It is all about building relationship, ladies and gents.  Passion flows out of a growing relationship.

Do something unexpected for your lover.

28 Day Challenge for Heating Up Your Sex Life

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Sexual fulfillment is often given low priority.  We often blame this on our our low libido but I think it is often just because we got in the habit of not making our sexual relationships a high priority.  We lose sight of how revitalizing good, passionate love life is for us.  Life just gets moving right along and our sex drive suffers. So,…

I (Carol) was thinking just now that sometimes what we need is a sort of challenge with a goal to get us to do/try new things and establish new attitudes and habits.  Sort of a game plan and sort of goad to make yourself try something new.

So, here is the deal… John and I will take the next roughly 30 days to map out and share our own 30 day Passion challenge.   I know I, for one, needed to have a bit of a “dare” to jump out of my semi-frigid, cool condition into my current playful, willing lover mode.

Expect some small steps as well as some bigger leaps from day to day.  And rather than it being exactly one a day for 30 days, there will be 30 days spread out over say two months.  So, bookmark this site or better yet go ahead and make sure you are subscribed to the blog updates so you can get the 30 Day Passion Challenge delivered to your inbox.

In any case, be prepared for a transformation of both mind and body.  Remember, this is for you and your lover.  Expect good things!

Is Kama Sutra For Christians?

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Is Kama Sutra For Christians?

I have come across this question from time to time.  And my answer is it depends on the couple.  You see, it is a matter of whether you can look at the sex positions and read the descriptions in such a way that helps your marriage, sexually speaking.  Or do you look at them and compare yourself to them.

First of all, it might help you to understand what we mean by Kama Sutra.  Essentially, this book is a large 36 chapter book on Hindu religious rites and practices as well as practices of common decency.  The chapter most people refer to is on the sexual positions in Chapter 10 with its 64 illustrated sex positions.  Most Christians wouldn’t be interested in the rest of it simply because of their own faith.

Personally, I don’t see a problem with viewing/practicing these (rather athletic) positions if the husband and wife have an open and healthy sexual relationship in the first place.  In this case they can look through the pages and ask each other questions like, what do you think about this one or giggle over whether it is even physically possible to achieve some of them.

We are talking about men and women who are well adjusted and don’t feel threatened with each other or the shape of their bodies (how physically fit they are or aren’t).  If you look at a couple in a position and you are more concerned about how fit and able they are, you aren’t getting the point of Kama Sutra at all.

Also, viewing Kama Sutra for educational purposes – together – a couple can bring unimagined fun and excitement to their marriage that might otherwise have gone stale.  But again, that is only for mature couples who are secure in their relationship with each other.  The rule of “love your neighbor” must be first in each other’s minds.  Love doesn’t ask someone to do something that the other might be uncomfortable about.

On the other hand, maybe he or she just needs a nudge and some inspiration to help set them free to experiment together.  Sometimes, we forget that the marriage bed is where the two can be assured of each others’ love and can ascend to the heights of eroticism together.

The Ellusiveness of Female Sexual Desire

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I often wondered why women tend to be cool about sex when our guys are, relatively speaking, always ready.  Why aren’t we just as hot and ready as they are?  It would be so much simpler if we wives were just as likely to chase him down…

Yes, I know for a fact that there are some women who are just as hot for sex and I guess this is not written to you “blessed” ladies.  But for the rest of us, I wonder if it might help to talk about some of the reasons why it takes longer for us to warm up.

The biggest factor is attitude which is strongly influenced by emotions.  For me, I had a bad, if not prejudiced, attitude toward the whole sex act.  Thanks to many influences I somehow had this idea that it was something to “get done”.  It was a duty a wife did for her husband.  Oh, I knew about orgasms and had experienced enough to know there was something in it for me.

Still, I rejected the whole Song of Solomon lovers romping thing.  Sounded too unreal for God to include that book with all its passion and eroticism.  But I still knew there was something missing in my own life.  Something right there in front of me.

While my attitude remained rather aloof about sex, I knew there was something there I was missing – and something DROVE me to discover it.  So, I prayed to have my eyes opened.  What if I was supposed to want to make love more often?  What if it could be as “hot” as the two lovers in Solomon’s story?

I couldn’t deny I was curious enough to persist and eventually I crossed over.  It was like a transformation, too.  I was (am) like a kid in a new romance!  After 29 years of marriage – I became a lover to my husband!  And I began to cry when he would leave.  I cry during love stories when lovers part.  I am finally ready for love all the time – ALL the time!

What was the difference?  Attitude.  I changed my attitude about sex and love in general.  I decided to believe God when He said it was all good.  I decided that I wanted to be fulfilled sexually.  I wanted what I had denied myself for years out of spite.

Maybe you have something keeping you from really experiencing passion?  What ever it is don’t let it keep you from experiencing all God has for you in your married sex life.  It will make a difference you will never understand until you experience it first hand.

Here are some steps to help you find passion in your love life:

1. Change you mind about sex. Decide once and for all it is good. Study God’s word about married love if you need to. But mostly you must change your mind.

2. To do this begin to think sexy all the time. Thinking of sex in the context of your marriage is Good! Think of kissing, touching, fondling. This gets your mind ready to do what you have been thinking of. It is natural for guys to think of sex – but we can learn to.

3. Plan to break the mold. Next time the same old same old begins, surprise him with something completely different. Try one new thing. Kiss him differently. Touch him where he doesn’t expect it. Wear something a bit more risque. Let your hand trace his body.

Trying new things is always risky. How will he respond? What will he think (trust me most guys will only think – Wow!)

Learn to have fun; experiment. Don’t forget to sign up for the Passion Challenge if you want some sisterly hand holding  along the way.

Low Libido: No Time For Sex

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Good sex takes time. No doubt there is a time for a quickie but when quickies are the norm, something is wrong. It is one of the causes of poor libido – that there is just no time to make it “good”. You get to acting more like room mates than husband and wife. She is tired from dealing with the home, full or part time job, kids, dog, noisy neighbors, … you know the story.  It is easier to just forego “good” sex than to get it. But it isn’t just the women anymore who are lacking the drive.

Men are becoming victims of low libido, too, and very much the same reasons as the woman.  You both know you should want “it”, but you just can’t get it going. The fact is making time for good sex is hard when your life is so full. But the crazy thing is that if you hope to release stress in your life you must make time for sex.

#1- MAKE time for sex - Now, I hear you harried men and women say, “Yeah, right. You don’t know how my day goes! I just want to go home, read a good book and sleep.”  Speaking as a couple who have 9 children – 5 still at home that are being homeschooled – we can relate to the “busy” excuse.  But we choose not to use it.  See that word “choose”?  You make time for what is important.

Make your sex life important enough to put some other thing on hold. Seriously.  Give up that Bible class (your relationship with your spouse is of far greater importance to God than you going to a Bible study (gasp! but that is the subject of another message)).  Trade babysitting with another couple so you can have time alone.  Come home early from work or at lunch time to get some time alone.  Ladies, meet him at his office or at the car at lunch time. Find a way to fit it in. It is that important.

#2 - Making the habit - Low sex drive is influenced by many things but one thing is certain – if you don’t use it, you lose it.  Because most of what happens in sex is in the mind, it is strongly influenced by habits.  Chances are you or your spouse is out of the habit of making love.  Or perhaps you are in the habit of not desiring it.

It’s a good thing habits can change.  And the “no time for it” habit is one of them.  Think – I am wanting sex with my spouse tonight – so that at least you are “programming” yourself to want it.  Don’t put it off – it can save a marriage on the brink and it will undoubtedly bring you two closer together.

#3 - Another much neglected factor has a great deal to do with being rested and eating well. If you are tired and your body is not well nourished, NOTHING works well, especially the sex drive. OR are there other physical factors involved like menopause or health challenges that can be taken care of or compensated for. If you are in relatively good health then the biggest issue is with stress.

Love making is not something that you relegate to the back burner any more than you would eating or sleeping.  So, while you may be able to put it off for a time – make sure to set aside time for regular passionate love.

And ladies, don’t tell, me he just isn’t interested – because he is. Go give him a call right now. Tell him you love him and are thinking about him. that will prepare him (and you) for some time together.

Don’t say “No” to the big “O”.

Greetings and Welcome to Passion & Purity

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We  are a brand new site so sign up for the updates as we plan to grow this site as a ministry to lovers everywhere.  For the young bride and groom and for the already married – Passion & Purity is for you.

My motivation for beginning this blog was two fold. First, I needed a place to share my growing freedom in my marriage bed. But I wanted also, to make my thoughts available to my own adult children. As I write this, I have two married daughters with whom I have a very open relationship and we often discuss our joys and challenges in this “passionate” issue.

Here you will find honest, open talk about the intimate relationship between a husband and wife.  Sex.  Unashamed and pure and passionate.  Holy in the Lord.

Note to unmarried: Sexual feelings are difficult to suppress once heated up. Even reading about married sexual relations can stir your imaginations and bring on inappropriate thoughts. While I cannot tell whether you are married or not, I will state that this site is not for unmarried men or women.  The only exception would be that you are within a week or so of your wedding night.

We are Christians but that shouldn’t put you off. Any open minded married adult can learn here.  We will proudly thank God and give him credit for his blessed gift of sexual love. Having been a former sexual prude myself, I know how hard it can be to relax my false modesty in my marriage and talk unashamedly about sex and eroticism. I encourage you to be open here and leave comments. We can hopefully help one another to grow in the Lord as well as in our marriages.

And thanks for stopping by.